The Poison Apple...Who ate it?

When there has been nothing but an open drain from our livelihood, any small amount of proof leading to exposure of lies and further extortion is received with delight. Though it is only a drop in the bucket of HER fraud this provides reassurance of release from her compulsion to ruin the happiness of our family and loved ones. Oh how wonderful eating the apple of revenge and vindication is; how it becomes better than narcotic ectasy. Creeps in the innermost soul, soothes the anger delusionally. Ensuing a worse pain. I fall prey to the shiny red fruit every time. Why am I so slow to remember the TRUTH.

Isaiah 50:7-9

For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed. He who vindicates Me is near; Who will contend with Me? Let us stand up to each other; Who has a case against Me? Let him draw near to Me. Behold, the Lord GOD helps Me; Who is he who condemns Me? Behold, they will all wear out like a garment; The moth will eat them.

Proverbs 24:16
For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.

What will be that calamity? It is not for me to know. I can not see the future. Perhaps the upcoming hearing and it's outcome sill be God's abundant and faithful help and the revelation of Him will be shown. Maybe that will be the calamitous moment for HER. My husband has risen and risen over and over in this trial, he has not given up. Each fall is painful but healing comes.

Knowing that God is in control of my life and everything concerning it and that He will handle this situation as only He knows how I can find some rest. Today with the news that we will not have to succumb to further extortion in this particular case I gloat. Not the best attitude for a Child of God but a human attitude. Grace, Grace, Wonderful Grace.

I SPIT OUT THE APPLE AND THREW THE REST AWAY!!

Out of control...



I am not sure that I have ever felt so powerless. Even in my addiction recovery things have been easier. Today waves of sewage keep rolling in with higher than normal tides. I can not breathe; everything smells, smells of sulfur and rot. Impulsive frightening imaginations flood my thoughts catapulting me into an anxious hardened spirit.




My, my, my...whining as if my place is any different than others. So self-centered, absorbed in my own pursuit of comfort. Relief is not within my reaches, in fact, change in circumstances will not be any different. The outcome of all that has become the focus of my attention will be a constant reminder of the mud I have had wo wallow in, not mud of my own production.

There is an answer, an anicdote to misery.

Ask the question,

What?

Can you hear or see, feel or touch,

What?

Others

They drown too,

Help them.

A BLAMELESS CONSCIENCE

Acts 24:16
I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men

Folklore advises, "Let your conscience be your guide." This has serious limitations since our conscience is a function of our mind. Having been conformed to this world, the conscience can be programmed wrongly.

I was thinking this morning on my way to work about my "conscience". Maybe I was driving home last night, not important I guess. Because of life choies I have made my conscience has been seared and scarred. Though I am fully capable of knowing right from wrong, the still small voice is very silent. Today my decisions, big or small, are based entirely on faith and not feeling. As a result of this, emotionally I am very dry and flat. It saddens me. Often I wish that I could deeply feel again.

I do not believe that conscience is a function of the mind. It is a decision made in the heart.

Former days had feeling
pouring fizzy, bubbling and wet
Residing violent, fatal and grim
Exploding , collapsing, convulsing, destroying
Identify?

Dry now as burnt toast...How?

Just scars

Scars