The Poison Apple...Who ate it?

When there has been nothing but an open drain from our livelihood, any small amount of proof leading to exposure of lies and further extortion is received with delight. Though it is only a drop in the bucket of HER fraud this provides reassurance of release from her compulsion to ruin the happiness of our family and loved ones. Oh how wonderful eating the apple of revenge and vindication is; how it becomes better than narcotic ectasy. Creeps in the innermost soul, soothes the anger delusionally. Ensuing a worse pain. I fall prey to the shiny red fruit every time. Why am I so slow to remember the TRUTH.

Isaiah 50:7-9

For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed. He who vindicates Me is near; Who will contend with Me? Let us stand up to each other; Who has a case against Me? Let him draw near to Me. Behold, the Lord GOD helps Me; Who is he who condemns Me? Behold, they will all wear out like a garment; The moth will eat them.

Proverbs 24:16
For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.

What will be that calamity? It is not for me to know. I can not see the future. Perhaps the upcoming hearing and it's outcome sill be God's abundant and faithful help and the revelation of Him will be shown. Maybe that will be the calamitous moment for HER. My husband has risen and risen over and over in this trial, he has not given up. Each fall is painful but healing comes.

Knowing that God is in control of my life and everything concerning it and that He will handle this situation as only He knows how I can find some rest. Today with the news that we will not have to succumb to further extortion in this particular case I gloat. Not the best attitude for a Child of God but a human attitude. Grace, Grace, Wonderful Grace.

I SPIT OUT THE APPLE AND THREW THE REST AWAY!!

Out of control...



I am not sure that I have ever felt so powerless. Even in my addiction recovery things have been easier. Today waves of sewage keep rolling in with higher than normal tides. I can not breathe; everything smells, smells of sulfur and rot. Impulsive frightening imaginations flood my thoughts catapulting me into an anxious hardened spirit.




My, my, my...whining as if my place is any different than others. So self-centered, absorbed in my own pursuit of comfort. Relief is not within my reaches, in fact, change in circumstances will not be any different. The outcome of all that has become the focus of my attention will be a constant reminder of the mud I have had wo wallow in, not mud of my own production.

There is an answer, an anicdote to misery.

Ask the question,

What?

Can you hear or see, feel or touch,

What?

Others

They drown too,

Help them.

A BLAMELESS CONSCIENCE

Acts 24:16
I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men

Folklore advises, "Let your conscience be your guide." This has serious limitations since our conscience is a function of our mind. Having been conformed to this world, the conscience can be programmed wrongly.

I was thinking this morning on my way to work about my "conscience". Maybe I was driving home last night, not important I guess. Because of life choies I have made my conscience has been seared and scarred. Though I am fully capable of knowing right from wrong, the still small voice is very silent. Today my decisions, big or small, are based entirely on faith and not feeling. As a result of this, emotionally I am very dry and flat. It saddens me. Often I wish that I could deeply feel again.

I do not believe that conscience is a function of the mind. It is a decision made in the heart.

Former days had feeling
pouring fizzy, bubbling and wet
Residing violent, fatal and grim
Exploding , collapsing, convulsing, destroying
Identify?

Dry now as burnt toast...How?

Just scars

Scars

IS THIS WHO I TRUST???????

THE OPERATING PRINCIPLE OF LIFE
Mark 11:22 And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God"

If faith is really the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen the logical conclusion based upon God's Word is that Jesus is that substance. In my finite capabilities I long for peace and serenity. My faith and hope lie in the provision of these uncertainties. I believe God's character to be certain and undeniable. Today my hope/faith can not be in how I want God to act on my behalf. My faith can not rest upon an answer to my issue.. Apparently my ideas are not rooted in the True Object of Faith. I look to feeling.

I know a desperate woman with venomous core and contemptuous soul; I am well aquainted with her condition-

Faith is desperate

when

Control has gained

injustice
Faith is lonely

when

Possessed by the passion

of hate
Faith is pitiful

when

Pursuits causes others

pain

Faith is certain

when

True reliance fortifies

the heart.

Reality Has Contours

"Emotions are like a river flowing out of one's heart. Form is like the riverbanks. Without them the river runs shallow and dissipates on the plain. But banks make the river run deep. Why else have humans for centuries reached for poetry when we have deep affections to express? The creation of a form happens because someone feels a passion. How ironic, then, that we often fault form when the real evil is a dry spring."

"Why this struggle? Why does the poet bind his heart with such a severe discipline of form? Why strain to give shape to suffering? Because Reality has contours. God is who He is, not what we wish or try to make Him be. His Son, Jesus Christ, is the great granite Fact. His hard sacrifice makes it evident that our spontaneity needs Calvarylike discipline. "

"Brothers We Are Not Professionals," copyright 2002 by John Piper.

Psalm 34

Once again I am facing God and attempting to make a commitment to relationship with Him, relationship with myself and relationship with others. What an undertaking. I am so cyclical. One who starts things and rarely finishes. I need His strength and encouragement to maintatin any of this. I need a reminder.

I have been unhappy. I guess I am unhappy. Thus my lack of energy toward my relationship with God. My marriage has suffered and continues to be strained because of the choices of my husband and his ex-wife. He is reaping the whirlwind of his choices as am I. It all sucks and the anger that I have continues to need process in order to really surrender and move forward. In all that is facing my husband and me remembering the faithfulness of the Lord, His promises and genuine concern will sistain us.Without the help of the Holy Spirit this is impossible. Only anger and contempt will remain to destroy and scourge my soul.

According to Psalm 34, I have things that if I follow through upon my emotions may finally respond...

Psalm 34 (Amplified Bible)
Psalm 34
[A Psalm] of David; when he pretended to be insane before Abimelech, who drove him out, and he went away.

1I WILL bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2My life makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble and afflicted hear and be glad.
3O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.
4I sought (inquired of) the Lord and required Him [of necessity and on the authority of His Word], and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.(A)
5They looked to Him and were radiant; their faces shall never blush for shame or be confused.
6This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.
7[a]The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him [who revere and worship Him with awe] and each of them He delivers.(B)
8O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him.(C)
9O fear the Lord, you His saints [revere and worship Him]! For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear.
10The young lions lack food and suffer hunger, but they who seek (inquire of and require) the Lord [by right of their need and on the authority of His Word], none of them shall lack any beneficial thing.
11Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you to revere and worshipfully fear the Lord.
12What man is he who desires life and longs for many days, that he may see good?
13Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
14Depart from evil and do good; seek, inquire for, and crave peace and pursue (go after) it!
15The eyes of the Lord are toward the [uncompromisingly] righteous and His ears are open to their cry.
16The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.(D)
17When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their distress and troubles.
18The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent.
19Many evils confront the [consistently] righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
21Evil shall cause the death of the wicked; and they who hate the just and righteous shall be held guilty and shall be condemned.
22The Lord redeems the lives of His servants, and none of those who take refuge and trust in Him shall be condemned or held guilty.